UNFAITHFUL

I don’t remember when everything started. The dust accumulated over the origin, like the sediments from a previous time. At the beginning, nothing made sense, jumbled images, sounds, sensations that raced through my head causing primal emotions; hunger; desire; pain.

With time the colours ushered in a more elaborate image of reality. The pieces slowly came together shaping my world. A more detailed and precise scenario and a more self-aware me, was born from disorder and chaos.

The period to experiment had passed. Then came the time to know, to explore.

Each curve, each part, each bit, I lived it as if it was unique. My curiosity had no limits and even the most trifling detail came to my eyes as if it was the greatest discovery. But wonder and familiarity were never good friends, and time turned the curiosity into habit and the excitement into tranquility.

Those were instants of calm, calm promoted by the security and certainty of routine.

I recognized his pulse as the rhythm of my internal clock. I knew what hid in each alley, knew his customs, quirks, foibles. There were no more secrets to uncover, no more surprises awaited me. Nothing disturbed the peace of my shielded but limited existence.

But the calm that took away the unease also killed the interest.  Then I got lost and everything stopped, it was like not being able to find my way on the lines of my own hand.

What once was astonishing and then endearing, now was foreign to me. 

Even if looked I couldn’t see any longer, and although everything was still there it didn’t belong to me anymore.

My new status generated confusion, disorientation and made me look for something again. From furtive glances, to short trips. And like the one who tries a spoon of ice-cream, and wants two. I decided not to resign myself with the scraps of my life.

30 years after the beginning my bags are packed, and next to them lies a plane ticket.

They have begun to dismantle the stage. The colours escape from the forms and start to dance among them again. It’s the escape’s melody. The return of confusion. The omen of a betrayal. The infidelity to the city that witnessed my birth.